Egypt anyone? The gift of one day at a time deliverance.
For so long I resented the journey. I resented my journey. I resented that healing never came. Well, at least that is what I thought because it didn’t come the way I had thought it would or should at the time. I had no idea that even in God’s Kingdom healing could be a long process. I had always envisioned some big event like God delivering the Isrealites out of captivity from Egypt. When was I going to get my one way ticket out of my own Egypt? I kept calling the airline but was on hold for a very long time. Scripture is clear—God fixes, God restores, God heals, God delivers. Where was my healing? When was it coming? For many a full moons I have prayed for that one moment of deliverance. Delieverence from circumstances and situations that took years to create.. And as time went by I began to doubt my faith and I began to doubt God’s goodness and His promises when deliverance never came the way I thought it should or would. I began to wonder if I had somehow disqualified myself from God’s promises.
As if God was supposed to transport me in to another situation and another set of easier issues because I had decided I wanted to figure out what the exchange policy was for this life that I had been given. I had decided that this life, these hard circumstances were just not living up to my expectations and I wanted God to somehow transport me to a sandy beach in the Caribbean. Peace alluded me. Joy definitely alluded me. Fear and frustration were my constant companion. As if I had made a covenant with them-- I was as loyal to them as a golden retreativer to his owner. All the while slowly forgetting God’s covenant with me. His covenant of peace and joy b.e.y.o.n.d my circumstances. What does that even mean I used to think? Beyond our circumstances? I can’t see nor breath beyond this current pile of pain smothering me, so if someone would please tell me what it means to live beyond our circumstances I would gladly listen. Well, I would somewhat listen with a smug “you don’t know what I am feeling” attitude. And the 1st time I had ever heard about “Daily Grace” was probably around the 1100th time my councilor said it to me. Am I quick or what? Some people can hear things once and internalize them for themselves—I on the other hand, have to chew and mull and ponder for months (years?) to metabolize something and make it my own.. (that’s a story for another day..)
BUT when I finally received and accepted for myself “God’s Daily Grace”—the ways in which God delivers Grace to us every day, it changed my life. There are still some days I fall in to the ditch of self pity and miss the Grace granted to me, but for the most part, I catch at least a glimpse of His grace every day.
Seeing God’s Grace every day means that my suffering no longer feels fruitless or meaningless. Somehow I am able to see that God is still in the business of fixing, restoring, healing and delivering. Sometimes instantly. And sometimes through the process. But the process is just as beautiful and miraculous as the instant healing. And something I am willing to say today is that I wouldn’t trade my 'daily deliverance’, my daily healing, my daily Grace to live through circumstances that otherwise could be bone crushingly difficult for that one time fix.
I don’t want to miss the daily grace to live my life with joy and peace no matter what the circumstances. I don’t want to miss God today because I didn’t need Him as much.. This life is more about our hearts uniting with the One true God than having any set of easier circumstances in which we don’t need Him as much. I would be so sad and so empty if God actually answered all of my prayers to ‘deliver me’. I would have missed so much Grace.. and maybe even missed God through it all. His Grace is so powerful and beautiful that it transcends my situation every day if I allow it to.
God’s grace looks to me like; relationships I would have never formed had I not been so desperate for God’s people and community to walk with me. God’s grace looks like joy and peace inspite of difficulties and painful circumstances. God’s grace looks to me like a lot of laughing, at and with people about myself. God’s grace looks to me like time in His word healing those places that only His Spirit and scripture can heal. and Grace looks to me like a lot of praying and relinquishing to His best for my life, one day at a time.
Daily Grace to you,
Psalm 29:11 “The Lord give strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace."
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Psalm 119:50 “my comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life."
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