3am Anxiety Wake Up Call
Ever woke up in the middle of the night with anxiety?
I have. About twice a week or so for as long as I can remember. I have yet to wake up in the middle of the night to celebrate an accomplishment. Last night in the middle of the night I woke up anxious and devastated my kids are 9 and 6. Where did the time go? And as I laid there I began to beat myself up for how often I rush through the day with so much to ‘do'. Forgetting to just ‘be’. These moments in the middle of the night usually highlight and remind me of my anxious personality. They also highlight all of my failings as a mother, wife, daughter and friend.
But as I was laying in bed anxious about my kids growing up and cursing my anxiety and all my failings as a human being. I realized maybe my anxiety doesn't have to be such a curse after all. Maybe my anxiety is my body’s way of saying 'slow down and enjoy the moments' more.
After all, my anxiety tonight led me to go cuddle with my kids. I also read my bible and journaled as well. All things I don't do enough of. And it has led me to a new resolve to cherish the simple things in life more. It reminds me to not be so distracted during the day by my cellphone--this little hand held device I am writing on right now so I don't wake up my husband who is sleeping just fine. Lucky him... It's amazing how this phone that weighs 4.55 ounces (I googled it) controls my life so much of the time.
Maybe anxiety doesn't have to always feel like a curse. Maybe sometimes it's the very thing that leads to action. I have been a bit distracted lately. I have had a ton going on in this season so I am not doing anything super well, including sleeping. 4am is not the most ideal time to write a blog post, especially on my phone. But maybe this anxiety wake up call is my body's way of waking me up to 'slow down and enjoy the moments' more.
Beating myself up for all the times in the past I have blown it just adds to my stress, regret and anxiety. I know there is so much I can't go back and change. So I am going to thank God for my anxiety and the gift of this wake up call to 'slow down and enjoy the moments' more.
I forgive myself for all the ways I have allowed 'life' to distract me from living. I am going to work on enjoying the moments more. Moments are what make a life.
Makenzie has a picture frame up in her room she got from a friend for her birthday that says "enjoy the little things because some day you will look back and realize they were the big things."
Psalm 90:12 "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."
So here's to slowing down and enjoying the moments more and to embracing the gift we have each day to live this life to the fullest.
And lets forgive ourselves a little quicker for the ways we have blown it in the past, and the ways we will blow it later today.
I am reminded again of one of AA's spiritual lessons "we claim spiritual progress not spiritual perfection."--such a brilliant life lesson in 7 simple words.
Daily Grace to you.
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