So when I first got sober, my mentor hit me with the simplest question ever: what's your favorite candy bar?
Honestly, I had no clue. I totally blanked. I just said, well, my mom's into Almond Joy and my brother's a Kit Kat guy, so I guess one of those?
That's what happens after years of giving your power away. You get so caught up in what everyone else wants that you forget what you even like. If you're working on healing from people-pleasing, you totally get it. And if you've stopped dreaming somewhere along the way, this one's for you.
🎧 Listen to the episode: Your dreams and desires are God's will and purpose for your life. Finding the faith to be courageous. → [LISTEN LINK NEEDED, see note in chat]
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When You Don't Know What You Want Anymore
Some of my power got taken, and some of it I just handed over. I totally abandoned myself. I learned to survive by caring so much about everyone else, hoping maybe they'd just not notice me or leave me alone. I know a lot of us have been there.
But it comes at a cost. If you've spent enough time living for everyone else, your own wants get super blurry. You stop even asking yourself what you want, because honestly, wanting stuff never really felt safe.
But I really believe God isn't done with you yet. Honestly, the tougher your story, the more I think He wants to use you to help others. I'm proof of that.
What Happened at a Gas Station in Ventura
I was driving home after a couple of days helping my aging parents. I pulled off in Ventura at the gas station I always stop at, ran in to use the bathroom, and on my way out a woman asked if I could help her get gas. She was headed to Nevada with her two kids and a dog. It was about a hundred degrees out, and Nevada was going to be even hotter.
My heart totally stirred. And when that happens, I know it's not just me—it's God giving me a little nudge.
So I filled her tank. Then I said "Right, let's go get some snacks". She was saying no, no, it was fine, she just needed the fuel. The kids though needed food for a six hour drive. We loaded up on about $120 worth of sandwiches, water, protein drinks and nuts. She was crying the whole time, she was just blessing me constantly. I then went to the ATM and pulled out $300 so she could top up again and get them the rest of the way.
I'm not sharing this to make myself look awesome. Honestly, I got way more out of it than she did.
Getting Honest About Money, Scarcity and Shame
Just being real here—if I was struggling to pay my mortgage, I don't know if I would've been that generous. I'd like to think I'd always fill my own tank, but the $300? Who knows. I've had seasons where money was so tight I was literally praying just to put gas in my car.
I've honestly been a little hesitant to talk about money here. In Christian circles, we're just as weird and secretive about money as we are about sex. But I've loved making money since I was fifteen. I love building things, taking care of them, and I really love giving.
I've messed up too. Years ago, we got into an investment deal that really hurt our family. We've been married 25 years and survived the dot-com crash and 2008. I've carried just as much shame about money mistakes as anything else. Healing from shame isn't just about one part of your life—shame hangs out in a lot of rooms, and money is definitely one of them.
Scarcity is tough, especially when it's real. It can totally keep you from being who you were meant to be. It took a lot of work for me to get out of that mindset, but now giving just isn't an issue anymore.
Your Desires Are There on Purpose
If you feel this pull to be more generous, I think that's because you're wired for it. Not everyone is, and that's okay.
Someone told me recently they want to be a life coach, but does everyone want that? Nope, not even close. Another friend said she wants to write a book, and yeah, there are a ton of books out there, but your story hasn't been told yet. Mine hasn't either.
Don't write off your dreams just because someone else has already done it. There are like 80,000 life coaches out there, and that never stopped me. There's only one Dani, and I just need a handful of people who want to work with me.
So many of us want something and then immediately talk ourselves out of it—usually because of the whole 'how' thing. Like, how would I even do that? Who am I to want that?
But honestly, the 'how' isn't your job. Your job is to seek God, do your work, and just take the next step.
Do Your Work and Let God Handle the How
I've wanted to get into property for a while, but it never really felt right where we are. I had no clue how I'd ever become an investor, so I kind of just let it go. Like, okay God, whenever the timing's right.
And then, out of nowhere, we picked up a property in North Carolina. Guess what? It's official—the purchase is done!
That's how it's gone for me. Sometimes a dream takes twenty years. Sometimes it happens in a way you never expected, and that's all up to God. But when you're out there doing the work and seeking Him, He really does come through on so many of those desires.
You can't skip the work part. Face your insecurities and all the reasons you doubt yourself. If someone hurt you and messed with your belief in yourself or God, deal with that too. Go to therapy, talk to a friend, chat with a pastor, get a coach—whatever helps. The sooner you find healing, the sooner you can step into what God has for you.
I can't even count how many times I played small because I was scared or full of self-doubt. How many nudges did I ignore? Maybe for you, it's not about money at all. Maybe it's just saying hi to someone you feel nudged to bless. Go for it.
Messy and Holy at the Same Time
Life is messy, and so are we. But life is also holy ground. The messier it gets, the more beautiful the ways God shows up. I'm not just throwing Christianese at you—God is with us, for us, and He walks through it all right alongside us.
I really believe God planted those deep desires in us, and it's our job to take care of them. I also believe life happens for us, not to us. You're not a victim of your circumstances or the people who hurt you. God will use all of it—for His glory and for your good.
We're all just regular people, but you still get to live an extraordinary life. That doesn't mean you have to be a New York Times bestselling author or anything. But if God put a book on your heart, go ahead and write it.
So What Do You Deeply Desire?
So here's my question for you: what do you really want? What would you go after if fear and self-doubt weren't holding you back?
Sit with that this week. Jot it down. Ask God about it. And if you want someone to walk through the deeper stuff with you, that's what 1:1 coaching is for. If you've felt a nudge to help others heal like this, maybe my Life Coach Certification is your next step.
God's not done with you. Keep doing your work and keep moving forward.
