You guys, I am so grateful for my alcoholism. I am so grateful for my bottom.
I would not have said that 16 years ago when I was struggling and wanting to die. But now I look at my alcoholism and I'm like, what a gift.
I know. That sounds nuts. But if you've ever wondered how God can use your pain for good, I want to tell you about my son Zach, because I just watched God do it in real time, and I hope it gives you some hope in your own hard season.
🎧 Listen to the episode: How God Can Use Your Pain for Good: Finding Hope in Hard Times → Apple Podcasts
A Curveball, a Bye Week and a Trip to Hawaii
Zach is our baby. He's a senior in high school, and a few weeks ago he had a pretty big curveball thrown at him. I'm not going to get into the details, because it's his story to tell, not mine. But he gave me permission to say this: he was in a dark, hard place, and he was heartbroken.
So Gary and I did what we do. We got him out of Dodge.
He happened to have a bye week in football and that Monday off school. We booked tickets on a Tuesday, and by Thursday we were in Hawaii. Hawaii is my Disneyland. It's my happiest place on earth. I honestly think I was created to live there.
And it's kind of a family thing. Years ago we took our daughter Shayna to Hawaii for a week to "talk about life." (I'm not above bribery, okay? My kids can be bought.) When we landed with Zach, Shayna texted us: "I love how you kidnap your kids and go to Hawaii for interventions and then God moves." Yes, Shayna. There's something holy about Hawaii in our family.
Here's the first lesson. When you're going through something really rough, sometimes you have to get out of Dodge. Go clear your head. Eat different food. Sleep in a different bed. Let your heart, your mind and your spirit breathe for a minute.
We went to love on our kid and walk him through it. And selfishly, Gary and I wanted to go to Hawaii. I'm just being honest.
"Wow, Look What God Did"
Long story short, through a series of God-ordained circumstances, Zach got a text that turned into a visit with University of Hawaii football.
Hawaii has been a dream school for Zach. One of those schools you shoot for, knowing how hard it is for a high schooler to get on anyone's radar right now. So just getting to visit was a dream come true. We literally stepped on campus, and Zach looked around and said, "This is where I'm going to school. I don't even care if they don't offer me."
I said, "Buddy, let's see what God does."
And everybody thinks their kid is special. I get it. But my kid is special, okay? Zach is loyal. If you're loyal to him, he'd take a bullet for you. He's about family and depth and connection. He's 6'3" but he's going to keep growing. And he's like me. He loves Jesus, but he cusses a little. He asked those coaches really good, really honest questions, and I just watched my kid shine.
When the coach offered him a spot, Zach didn't even look at Gary and me. He jumped up, shook the coach's hand, gave him a hug and said, "I'm in. Where do I sign?"
I kid you not, we went straight to the merch store. I've got Hawaii football clothes for days now. Fair warning.
But we got in the car, and the first words out of Zach's mouth were, "Wow, look what God did."
Hallelujah. As a mom, that's it for me. My 17-year-old saw God's hand and said it out loud right out of the gate. I don't care about football. (Okay, I do care about football.) But you know what I'm saying.
How God Can Use Your Pain for Good
(Even the Pain He Didn't Cause)
I want to be really clear. I don't think God caused the suffering in my kid's life. Free will is real, and people do crappy things. There are some things I'll be asking about when I get to heaven.
But I saw God redeem it, like, immediately.
If Zach hadn't walked through those hard couple of weeks, I'm not sure we ever would have gone to Hawaii. And if we hadn't gone to Hawaii, he never would have gotten that visit, and those coaches never would have laid eyes on him. There's film, and then there's seeing the kid in person.
You know Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him." That doesn't mean all things are good. It doesn't mean the lemons were good, or that they were even God's intention for your life. But somehow, in the grand scheme of life, He will make lemonade.
If there's one thing I've built my whole life on, it's this. God redeems things. God restores things. God renews things.
Zach's still healing from that heartbreak. The situation didn't go away. But in his own words, he'd go through it again if it got him to Hawaii. He doesn't see his pain as the boulder holding him back anymore. He sees it as the gateway that got him where he needed to be.
Finding Purpose When Your Pain Feels Like a Boulder
So let me ask you. What are you waiting on? What are the lemons in your life that are still just staring straight at you?
Maybe it's a divorce. Maybe it's an adult child who's off the walls and rejected you. Maybe it's the business thing. Maybe it's your own nervous system, and you're sick and tired of being burned out.
Whatever that boulder is, I want you to look at it and say, "All right, God, how can this be the gateway to get me to my good life?"
Now hear me. That doesn't mean you skip the hard part. If you're grieving, if you were rejected or betrayed and that pain is still there, be seen. Be validated. Take care of yourself. Don't minimize it.
And then ask: what am I going to do to move forward?
Life is all about the lens. We're either dealing with our stuff and becoming better, or it's dealing with us and we're becoming bitter. And I have so much empathy for people who go the bitter direction, because that was my story for decades. I didn't believe God could take the lemons in my life. Some of them weren't my fault. And some of them, holy moly, were my fault. I thought God was too disappointed in me. How could this even be redeemed?
So I lived in regret and isolation and loneliness and purposelessness. The essence of Dani was struggle busing. What finally started to turn it around was seeing glimpses of God turning those lemons into lemonade, often in a simple conversation with someone who said, "Me too."
Healing From Your Past Usually Takes Time
Zach's lemons turned into lemonade fast. That almost never happens. Mine was more of a slow boat to China.
It took me 6 years of sobriety before I could thank the Lord for my alcoholism. Now I'm almost 16 years sober, and I couldn't be more grateful that I'm a recovering alcoholic. Christian recovery is what put me on my knees and made me pursue my Creator like nothing else. It made me find more freedom and stop caring so much about what people think. (I still care. Just not as much.)
So please don't read this and go, "Good for Zach. Lucky Zach." I used to struggle with comparison, and I don't want that for you. I want you to believe God can do a similar thing in your situation. I don't know when. I don't know how long it'll take. Healing from your past and healing from regret usually takes a while.
But God's not done. While there's still breath in your lungs, let Him redeem it and bring purpose to it, whether that's through deep, rich connection with others or helping someone else through their crap because you've been there.
Pray Bigger Prayers
Ephesians 3:20 is the scripture over my life right now: "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."
We did not go to Hawaii expecting a football offer. We went to take care of our kid, eat good food, sit on the beach and help him heal. God did immeasurably more.
Some of us need to pray bigger, bolder prayers. I'm being reminded to breathe life back into my little girl dreams, the ones life beat out of me. I recently found this "All About Me" page from when I was four, with my big green eyes and yellow hair. That little girl had dreams. Life happened, and she ended up with a pretty successful life on the outside while she was dying on the inside. So I'm breathing life back into her, with more joy, more peace and more connection.
(And yes, Gary and I are already looking at real estate in Hawaii. I'd love to host retreats there someday. I'm just saying.)
You Don't Have to Do This Alone
If you're still waiting on your lemonade, borrow my belief until you can believe it for yourself. I borrowed other people's belief before I could believe it myself, and it kept me going.
If you want more peace and more connection, and you're like, "Dani, you get me," book a discovery call. 1:1 coaching is a great place to start the deeper work. And if you have a story but don't know how to use it to help others, that's exactly what the Messy Life Transformation Life Coach Certification is for. It's not just for people who want to build a coaching business. It's for anyone who wants to turn their pain into purpose and feel empowered and confident that God's not done with them.
The heartbreak, the boulder, the pain. God won't waste it. I know it. I've lived it. I'm living it now. That's how God can use your pain for good, and He's not done with yours.
Love you guys.
And go Hawaii football! :)
